


The Worst of Me

by daisherz365



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 19:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisherz365/pseuds/daisherz365
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver is used to being that shadow of the person he wants to be for his friends and family but she’s always been the crux that saw him even when he was trying to hide away from everyone. When she opens up to him, he understands how broken she really is beyond her awkward monologues when she’s trying to be there. He just didn’t realize it until he thought he lost her. Spoilers for 2x13 & 2x14 (Olicity)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Worst of Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fray into Arrow fics and Olicity too! I love that damn ship. Anyways this long thing is courteousy of a lot of pent up feels, so I hope you like it. 
> 
> P.S. I kind of cried about it a little. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, please? 
> 
> <3 day

xxx

There was never any doubt that he should trust Felicity Smoak. Since the day he's met her he's known what kind of person she is. She's humble but fierce when it comes to telling how she really feels, a least in part. Sometimes she tries to hide away to let him simmer on his own but it's never what he's needed. He's needed someone to call him out on his bullshit and she's done a fine job. In fact, if there was a moment now when he needed her to call him out on it, it would be now. But, he can't.

She has been unavailable to him for roughly a week. A week since he found out the truth about Moira Queen for the second time, his own mother - the liar she continues to be. A week since another knife was shoved down his throat and piercing his barely complete heart once again. Another secret pulled out from the shadows to break him down. To destroy the seemingly perfect life he had. Except, that has never been the case. His family from the start was a lie. Sure they had had their glory days but it has been years since that was something worth believing in. It was a farce, all of it. 

Just more lies upon lies and what made matters worse was the fact that he had to find out from the one person who still believed that he was worth saving. She took on his burdens as her own when she didn't have to. She did it because it was what Felicity does. She keeps all the secrets wadded up in her little box of a heart where they're safe. It is truly remarkable but heartbreaking at the same time. To have one person who doesn't think she's that matters even a little, only to be able to hold it all together when shit hits the fan repeatedly. 

She opened up to him for the first time truly mere moments before he was set to say all these wonderful things about his mom. The woman he was proud of. Lies. It had been so hard not to blurt out how vile she was in front of everyone but he wasn't the only one who would be damaged by this news though, in truth he really was. There was his younger sister to worry about. Thea. Poor Thea. She's never had a real chance, not with parents like hers. The real ones, who continued to hide secret after secret from them - from her. 

It broke his heart but he couldn't ever tell her. She has so much hope in her heart. She's finally starting to rebuild her life after Moira came back home and trust her mom again. 

His mind continues to flicker back to the moment with Felicity right before the dam broke. He had seen the way she started to retract from the situation. His mother had looked at her as if she was shooing off someone insignificant. He had to know what it was, what was she hiding? Not his mother because he hadn't a clue in the world until she told him. She wasn't going to, he knew. She would hide all the secrets in the world to protect him and he would shoot as many Arrows in the heart of anyone he tried to hurt her, or at least he would try. 

He rushed to her immediately as she begin to walk away. He had been glad that she had decided to come despite the fact that she was not his mother's biggest fan and until that moment he hadn't know that his mother had a problem with Felicity. Who would have a problem with her? She was Felicity. She was adorable and sweet, and his partner. There were other words to describe her but when she hesitated to talk to him he knew that this was a very big deal. Felicity didn't spill tears over nothing. She wasn't like some of the other women he had come to know in his lifetime. She was better and he hurt him to see her confliction and to see how much pain she was going through by having to talk to him about something that was so difficult to her. When it shouldn't have been so. 

Felicity Smoak deserved the very best. It never mattered if he couldn't give it to her. He could try.

She stumbled at first, trying to find her way out of talking with him about it. 

_"What going on with you, Felicity?" He asked sternly. His chest tightening at how sad she looked as he pulled her back to talk to him. "Don't say," She interrupted him with the one word he knew she would say._

_"Nothing."_

_"Don't say nothing." He said immediately. She tried so hard to hide away from the world with all her codes and tablets fluttering through her head and in her presence always. She was a whiz behind a machine, but when it came to real life problems she faltered and he understood all too well. They had a mutual understanding for the way the air between them worked. At least he thought so._

_"The truth, please." He urges. He needs to know what's wreaking havoc inside such a delicate person like Felicity Smoak._

_She doesn't say anything for a minute, then she speaks slowly. She's hesitating and it's what makes him realize that this isn't some minuscule situation. This is difficult for her. He had always tried to make it easy on her. "I've notice that I talk a lot."_

_He tries not to smile. "It has not escaped my attention." He mumbles but doesn't try to sound smug about it. They both know how awkward she could get around people, especially him. It's just how she operates. Its endearing most of the time._

_She continues shortly. He figures that she could fly away at any time. The idea that this is truly a burden on her does not escape his attention. He had known with just one look how down she was. This was supposed to be a celebration. He couldn't celebrate if his partner was not happy. He had done enough of not paying enough attention to the little details. All details were important, he had learned that the hard way. "You also noticed that I don't talk a lot about my family."_

_He nods in affirmation, but speaks this truth as well. "I have noticed that."_

_He almost wants her to spit it out but he knows he can't push her. Not right now. There is no menace in this courtyard. This is safe territory. She has to know that, right? When she continues I have to reach out for her, steady her and make sure she knows how much she means to me. How much everything she does means to me. Always and forever. I need her._

_“My mother is…she’s my mother and I don’t really know what my father is, he abandoned us. I barely remember him, but I do remember how much it hurt when he left. Just the thought of losing someone that important to me again…” Her voice is breaking by the end and I grasp her by the shoulders. "Hey, you're not going to lose me." He makes sure to look her in the eyes. She has to know no matter what happens nothing that happens could ever make Oliver want to let her go, not ever. She's too important to him and this life he's lead thus far. She is vital to all of this. Perhaps, he doesn't say it enough. "What part of it is bothering you? Is it your family?"_

_"No." She stops for a second and picks up quickly in one hurried slur of words. "It's yours."_

_He didn't have to ask her to continue, she just does. Then it becomes clear why she was uncomfortable in his mother's company. Why they shared that glance like that. Everything._

_Then Oliver Queen breaks again but at least he isn't alone. Not really, though he feels like he is as he struggles through his introduction of the woman who shares his last name. This is the last straw, he can't handle any more of it. This is the end, he vows this as he looks to her for reassurance only to see her tears once again. Then he shuts down as he hears Moira Queen talk about all the wonderful things she will do for this city. The city she nearly broke before._

Digg is the first person Oliver asks about Felicity when Day 3 rolls around of no show of her at the office nor the Arrow cave as she sometimes calls it. “How you talked to Felicity at all recently?”

He had noticed how comfortable the two of them were with each other. Even when he wasn’t around. It was perfectly obvious that they shared some sort of bond that seemed almost stronger than any which one he shared with each of them. There was some sort of understanding and yet at the moment Oliver didn’t want to hear him try to shield him from any truth he needed to hear about the state of their favorite IT girl.

“Yes, I have.” It was the only thing the well-built former soldier was willing to give as evidence.

“Where has she been?”

“I’m afraid, I don’t feel comfortable disclosing that information at this. She wanted a break for a few days and I think she deserves it after everything that has happened since the both of you were in the same room.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong. Is she upset about something else?”

Diggle was silent for a few seconds, he wouldn’t look at Oliver now. His eyes burning a hole in the ground as he stood there. “Diggle, c’mon. Secrets are what started this mess in the first place.”

The older gentleman sighed long and hard before looking at him. “She is away from the city right now.” Again, he was being vague and unhelpful. What were his reasons for that? Had Felicity disclosed something with him that made him feel like he didn’t need share even a little bit of information about her whereabouts with him? If she did, then why? It didn’t make any sense.

Oliver moved forward towards the other man, who made to sit at the monitors that he occasionally took a turn behind when the true owner wasn’t around. They had learned before that Felicity was the only person who was made to work the machines. They were her babies, in a sense and she had equipped them in a way that only worked in the right way for her. It was both brilliant and evil.

“Where is she?”

“Spending time with family. Leave her be, Oliver. Even she needs time to be on the mend.”

He stops himself from pursuing the issue another time, mostly because he realizes that he won’t get anywhere with Dig being so guarded on the subject. There’s also the fact that he is worried that if he tries to find her and talks to her too early he won’t know how to cope with what he finds. After her confession of her personal background with her own family, it hadn’t exactly made him feel any different towards her. Sure, he understood how hard that could be. He might not have had it as hard as her but he too had to deal with the hardships that came with a difficult mother and a sometimes there father. They both still had their mothers in a way and that would be the key to finding her.

He didn’t ask Diggle at first but after another two days with no bumbling Felicity around he was desperate to find her. Diggle was always there, silent and waiting for him to come to him again. Oliver thought that he got some sick amusement out of the whole ordeal. It wasn’t like Oliver wasn’t busy outside of running the company and tried to stay on top of protecting the city. He needed all his assets around when he did that or they’d run into trouble. He had even told Felicity this before. He needed her around for that and so much more. He sought out her reassurance when there was so little coming from anyone else.

Even if he had brought Sara into the fold, nothing was as complete as he wished for it to be. Of course, he hadn’t exactly spoken with Felicity about that yet. Somehow he had a feeling she would just know before he told her.

-x-

Felicity Smoak had always found a way to distance herself from being too involved when it came to Oliver Queen. She had seen for a time that it would help her not grow as disappointment as she constantly became when it came to him and his lack of feelings towards her romantically. It didn’t mean she stopped hurting after a while. It just told more that she was sticking beside him when she felt so small and minuscule in comparison to the other people who he deemed more worthy of his time.

This was not of course why she decided not to join the three of them back in the lair with her beautiful machinery of monitors and hardrives. This was more personal than anything that could ever involve Oliver Queen, yet in her own way Felicity had inadvertently involved him in by speaking so candidly about it with him just before the fallout with his mother. She hadn’t needed to be there but she knew that there was just one more thing to cause strain to his working relationship with his family. It wasn’t her fault, she had known this too when she came crawling back to her own mother who was a lesser version of Moira in order to get some prespective on her own.

Her mother had asked questions, tried to at least about her sudden reappearance. They had the one-off phone conversation every couple of months but there had never been a warrant for an actually visit with tears added into the mix not since she was in college and worried about her future. Then, her mother had been the most gentlest as ever as she took her in her arms and told her the hard truths that any other mother would have probably hidden from their child. Not Teresa Anne Lee (nee Smoak).

She had went back to her maiden name after her husband’s disappearance from their lives. Felicity never had to ask why. She had known, but it never comforted her that people would ask more questions about it as she was sure they had throughout the years. For a time, her family had been nearly whole and perfect, for the few short years before her dad had left. Then it all fell apart. The one thing she dignified to tell her mother was that “it’s about dad, I’ve had to think about him because of something a friend of mine is going through and it hurts.”

Teresa had lost her usually controlled neutral expression and her face fell as she ushered her one and only daughter into the living room where she had been watching an old Cary Grant film and they sat there talking for a little while. She tried to pry some information from her daughter about who this mysterious friend was but as always Felicity kept that data to herself. She was always trying to protect people even if it meant leaving her heart out to wither away like an old piece of dried up fabric. In this case, this old wound felt heavy not only on Felicity but her mother as well.

They didn’t usually talk about her husband. He was still that in the eyes of the law, she had never married and there was never a chance to break the tie that was the bond they forged together all those years ago when Felicity was still growing in her belly. It had never been a problem before but the way this issue with her friend was bothering her, it bothered Teresa as well. She found it to be the perfect time to discuss Jerry Smoak and what she knew of his departure, as any woman who loved a man she did try to look for answers.

On the first night in with Felicity she strived to give her all that she could in words of comfort by flushing out all the facts that she had come to know about her dad. “I know you probably don’t really want to talk about Jerry but perhaps it might help you and your friend if I enlighten you on a few things, Felicity.” She started once she had gotten some food into her system, and a cup of warm tea was in her daughter’s hands.

She refrained from reaching out and stroking the blond locks of her long hair as she begun to tell her everything. “Your father loved you during the time that he stayed with us. He loved me too, and I need you to understand that. Even if you hold some contempt for the idea that he just left us out of the blue and no matter how much they might be true I need you to understand Felicity that the best thing that one person can do for the ones they love is to leave them. It is one of the fiercest versions of protection and that was why he left. In his own selfish way Jerry Smoak was trying to take care of me and you because he as I imagine your friend’s parent whichever one it is felt like they are protecting their child. A parent’s love is one of the strongest forces in the world.”

Felicity argued with this no matter how much she had seen the work of this being a true statement. “It doesn’t make it right to do such vile things for them. If you knew what she had done, how much she had put them through you wouldn’t say that.”

Teresa sat there in silence as she listened to her daughter’s words. Perhaps, the secret that Felicity had uncovered hurt her more because she was close to this friend. “That may be but it isn’t up to you to decide that. It’s between them now and if I understand correctly, you made a choice and now you’re here because you’re afraid of what is left of the friendship you shared with the friend even if they told you that you were safe. That it wasn’t you at fault, this has always been your downfall Felicity and I am sorry. You cannot carry everyone’s burdens as your own. Sometimes you have to move forward and let them pick up the pieces of their life. You made a choice and so have they. Don’t strain yourself to try to fix everyone because it’s not possible.”

“Even if it’s someone I love?” She choked out.

Teresa reached out for her hand and squeezed it. “Oh, Felicity.” She didn’t know how to help her now. The matters of the heart were always the trickiest and it had never been easy for her to say things would turn out fine. It wasn’t in her nature as a person let alone a mother to comfort someone but she couldn’t have turned away Felicity even if she wanted to. There was a bit of obligation hidden somewhere in the distance that they had between the two of them.

Felicity had gotten on a plane and traveled over two states to get back home, hadn’t she?  

There had to be something else. Something else beyond the love that had made her come back here. There was a hidden question in there, something else she was worried about that she wasn’t willing to share with her mother, and that bothered Teresa in more ways than she needed right now. The only thing she could bring herself to say after they sat there for a little bit longer finishing off their tea was that they both should probably get some rest. Tomorrow they could think about something else.

For two days Felicity stayed inside tinkering with her tablets and checking the security footage much to her mother’s annoyance because she would walk away at a moment’s notice if she saw her trying to have a look. It was late at night that she saw the piece of film that made her dive for the ice cream supply that her mom kept some full in inventory in the double door fridge.

Sarah and Oliver.

Oliver and Sarah.

She should have known that it would happen. It really shouldn’t have surprised her much but it did and then she scrambled for the solace of a good book about murder and fell asleep with tears roaming down her face.

The next day she came to realization that she didn’t hate them, neither of them no matter how much they hurt her unknowingly. They just had a lot of history and she was nowhere near the level of amazing Sarah when it came to Oliver Queen. She accepted that quickly. Even if in the back of her mind she wanted to come close to scratching the surface of what she did for him which happened to be a lot. A part of her knew that she was important to Oliver but it was hard noticing that and remembering it when there was someone who held his attention for longer than she did.

Plus, he hadn’t even noticed that she was there. She had checked back this morning to see if anyone had been there only to put her tablet aside and log out of her computer to instead go outside where her mother was sitting with coffee and the newspaper. She began to discuss with her the headlines over a new candidate for mayor in Starling City. The last thing she needed to be trying to talk about; the reason for her mess of emotional stability right now.

She tuned out what her mother was saying, most of it was all the facts that she already knew. One of the reasons why the idea of sitting here with her mother or rather being here at all with her was the fact that Felicity had spoken briefly about the earthquake from what felt like years ago after her mother had called her to check on how she was doing after seeing the news about it. Now, she was talking about it again because once again Moira Queen was in the news. Felicity took in a few large gulps of deep breathes trying to clean out her airways and to relax herself from telling her mother to stop talking.

She had been trying to get away from all of this. She didn’t need any extra reminder of the fact that a) the man she loved and supported on many different levels mother despised her now and forever for crushing the illusion of a relationship that she had had with him once because she kept digging to find information that in truth she didn’t want to know about in the first place, b) she didn’t even know if she could trust Oliver’s judgment now that she was aware of his relationship with Sara was on the level that it was now, c) no matter how irrelevant she felt when it came to Oliver Queen she would still help him when she made it back to Starling City because somewhere in her heart she enjoyed the rush of aiding him in taking down bad guys and restoring balance to the city which was no star if anyone had paid any mind to all the evil that was all around it.

Frankly in a word she was goddamn sick of holding on to all the pain for so long. So she got up, returned back to the house even when she heard her mother asking if she needed something and she settled on the couch with her laptop, leaving her tablet off and she sunk deep into coding and creating new more advanced programs that will not only help smooth things along when she got back there but also it felt good to let everything else slip away while she immersed herself in that.

She had no worries in the world to care about it, it was just her and her machines at work and it was pleasant and clear.

Teresa kept a close eye on her daughter, even setting little plates of crackers and bottles of water within her reach even though she never took her eyes off the monitor of her laptop. She couldn’t understand half of the lines of gibberish that she wasn’t hiding from her today, but she knew it might be helping Felicity let go of whatever was troubling her and if that was happening then she felt a little more at ease about it. It didn’t matter that she sat there unmoving from her spot for about three hours, she was just happy to see some spark light in her daughter again. Unlike the day she came her, she was almost back to her old self again.

She smiled and turned to go start on a light lunch for the two of them, when the doorbell rang. She looked at the couch for a moment, fingers were still moving her gaze hidden behind the frames of her specs but still focused on her tasked. She nodded before rushing towards the door. She hadn’t the slightest clue who could be at the door.

It was more surprising to see the man in the suit than the fact that she recognized his face. His face had covered the pages for weeks when he had sudden come back to the world from the dead or whichever place he had really been. Oliver Queen wasn’t unfamiliar wasn’t to Teresa however, it still confused her why he was looking for her daughter.

She knew she worked at his company but as an IT girl was all she was ever told. A brief raise was mentioned before but she didn’t think she had any true hand in the company. It wasn’t anything to do with the fact that she thought her daughter was a lowly peasant when it came to the richer associates of that company. It was the fact that Felicity had never mentioned him to her, as it were she was most definitely surprised.

“Hello, Mr. Queen. How may I help you this afternoon?”

“I’m looking for Felicity. I had an idea that she’d be here. You are her mother, correct?” He reached his hand out to her and Teresa tucked her loose brown hair behind her ears before taking his hand and shaking it. “Yes, what do you need with my daughter?”

Recognition flashed behind his eyes at her sudden change in tone. It was something she imagined he had heard before. He was something of a playboy, she didn’t know much about him now but a part of her knew that it wasn’t easy to leave that kind of life. “I’m sorry. This is a bit strange actually. I suppose she hasn’t mentioned me at all. Why would she…?” He paused for a brief second as if back tracking before continuing on. “I’m actually a friend of hers, or really she’s one of mine. She helps me sometimes and I just wanted to check on her. She seems upset the last time I talked with her and I wanted to be sure she was alright.”

“She is.” Teresa cut off as his eyes started to deter from her face and into her house.

“I’d like to see her, if that is okay. I can stay outside if that will make you comfortable.” Defeat, she had seen that before in men who tried to ask for her hand after her husband’s departure. She notice something else on Oliver Queen. He was willing to back down if possible and with that there was sadness. He wasn’t here from a professional standpoint, she realized. He genuinely cared for her daughter; for Felicity.

“No,” She sighed. “You can come in. I was about to make lunch, would you like to have some?” She signaled for him to come in as she opened the door a little more and he slipped in thanking her quietly. “She’s in the living room just past the kitchen. She’s in her zone at the moment so it might take her a minute to notice you.”

Oliver had a look on his face that Teresa could only read as “I know what you mean”, which was really telling to her as she left him at the doorway to the small sitting area where Felicity was typing away and slipped into the kitchen.

Oliver took a brief moment to look around as he entered the room. There were a few frames of pictures sitting on each of the tables that sat near the couches. There was a television on top of the fireplace, bolted in place and then there was a bookshelf full to the brim of books. He wanted to see what titles were there but stopped himself as he stepped over to the woman he had been waiting to see again for days. She certainly hadn’t made it easy on him, had she?

Her mother had been right when she said she was in her zone. Her face was scrunched up as she tapped away on her laptop. It was measly in comparison to what he had seen her do and work with back in Starling City but he knew that it served its purpose for her. He was curious as to what she was working on so he moved to shuffle a little closer as quietly as possible. For a man who jumped from buildings at night he could have been a bit stealthier. The sound of his feet against the carpet must have finally caught her attention as she looked up with wide eyes and closed the screen immediately. “Oliver! What are you doing here?”

She looked flushed, whether that was from embarrassment from being caught so unaware or was it something else he had no clue but he did take a small step back as she righted herself on the couch. “I thought it was time I came to fetch you. I need you back in Starling City.”

She scoffed before taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. He watched her for a minute, her breathes coming out short and quick as if she was trying to stop herself from doing something. Impulse. It was one of the things he admired in her, at least when she was around him. She didn’t mind saying how she really felt, except now that didn’t seem to be the case.

“What?” He spoke when she wouldn’t.

“I’m not the girl you need right now.” His hands flew to his pocket as he let out a sigh, he wouldn’t try to appear clueless because he knew that if she was on her tablet that she had went to look at footage. “She has nothing to do with you.”

“Right. I’m not like them. I can watch you have a near breakdown in the front of the whole city but I can’t be like Laurel or Sara. I don’t think you want me to spell it out to you.”

“No, you’re right. That would be unwise.”

“Why did you come here, Oliver? Really, why would you leave everything to just fetch me? I’m just your IT girl, right?”

Oliver took in a deep breath, feeling rotten and cold for how this had all just slowly spun out of control. He did need Felicity. Not like them, but he needed her because when everything went to hell she was always there watching and waiting and hoping that he would need her and he always needed her. Except when she’s not there. When she’s not there and he’s aware and he’s pay attention he feels loss and incomplete.

How he could he ever say that to her when she’s like this? When she is angry at him for his impulse to be with Sara or Laurel or whoever happened to be there when he fell apart wholly. But, that wasn’t all of it and he knew that she saw that and that’s why she chose those words for him. 

He kneeled down in front of her and took her hand, caressing it even when she tried to jerk away from him. He could hear her mother in the kitchen making as much noise as possible in order to block out the conversation they were trying to have. It starting to become real this situation they were in. They weren’t home, they were somewhere foreign to him but safe for her. He wanted to take her back to the place where they both could be safe and happy even if that wasn’t together right now.

The thing that he had always know about Felicity Smoak and her place with him was that she was the one person who made him laugh, the one person who could call him on his bullshit and then walk away the next minute when she knew he was being a complete ass and then the next be there silently doing what he needed even if she disagreed with all her heart. That was the one thing about her as a person, she spoke from her heart and she never would back down for a fight no matter how dangerous.

This is what he told her in reply. The truth and he hoped that she would get it. “You see the worst of me when I want to hide it away from everyone. I make a mockery of myself out in public because that’s what’s best for business but when it comes down to me I need my IT girl in my city with me because she’s the only one who can make sense of all of me, even when I do terrible things that make her want to shout and slap me, and leave time and time again but I want her to come back. I need her to come back.”

Felicity swallowed hard, watching him tell her all the things she wished he wouldn’t because of all the hope that was left in her heart slowly beginning to bubble in the surface. She couldn’t do this again, she couldn’t just go back and pretend that she was affected by every little thing he does even if it has an ounce to do with her. She wishes she never met him some days and this is one of this quiet moments where she wished she could just say fuck it to the heart that cares for anyone else’s feelings and just pull him up to her and kiss him hard on the mouth because she gives in to his words because to her they are everything that keeps her standing close to him. Everything that holds her together when it comes to her existence and his.

He ends up kissing her on the forehead, softly. It is brief and does the job she expects he wants it to. It makes her smile for a second.

When her mother comes into the room and they are sitting side by side saying nothing – everything has already been said, nothing else needs to happen on this day. For her heart is already overflowing with every little ounce of this passed moment with Oliver Queen. She knows that she’ll come back to him in another day and then it will be back to the ache that she had been feeling, no more hope just awareness that some days she gets to see that Oliver and some days she sees the guy she wants to smack some sense into always.

She gets the latter two days later when she sees him with Sara and she tries to insert herself into the circle again by telling a joke about her scar. It doesn’t kick off, she feels alone again even with Diggle present being her angel when she is hopeless. It steadily returns to that place that she hates and she wants to call him out on it again, especially after she gets shot.

She gets shot.

Big whoop.

This was not exactly how she imagined regaining his attention after she lost it again, but it’s a small start.

She tells him how she feels when he steps towards her. She has his shirt on and her boobs are all out in the open – bra on but she feels cold. She doesn’t know if it’s the coolness of the air or it’s just how she feels now.

She saved Sara’s life but she feels horrible.

“I’m just used to being your girl. Not, your girl it sounds different in my head. It’s different, I’m going to shut up now.” He stops her with his hand caressing her cheek and she leans into it because it’s warm and feels nice. She’s giggling like an idiot but for a moment she doesn’t care all that much as he tells her what he knows will ease her pain even a little. “Hey, you will always be my girl Felicity.”

She imagines his peck on her forehead again as if it happened a second time. She knows it doesn’t but the warmness from his hand lingers a little longer. She asks Diggle for some more _aspirin_ to numb the pain, it’s a different kind of pain and she knows that he is aware of it but he obliges on the ride back to her apartment.

She remembers his words to here earlier when she was upset about a lot of things, her work being destroyed being one of them largest. “ _You’re irreplaceable, Felicity_.” It makes her smile, then again it could be the drugs that are helping her ease into such a sad looking heap of limbs on her bed. She focuses on the thought as she slips into unconsciousness. Not a care for whatever emotional pain she’ll face in the morning.


End file.
